It’s finally fucking happening. Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer and Anthrax are playing at the same show together! Fuck yeah! Metal is back! I can finally die a free person! What’s that? They’re only playing in Poland and the Czech Republic? What the hell is the Czech Republic? Where’s Czechoslovakia? I’m American, I don’t have time to keep up with all these things.

My first reaction to this news is one of excitement, followed obviously by sheer disappointment. However, now that I think about it, the Megadeth, Slayer and Testament tour next month is actually going to be way better. Why? For several reasons:

No one under 35 cares about Anthrax.
Testament shreds all over the place.
When you add Metallica to the bill, the ticket price goes up about $100.
The ONLY news that people will talk about is the Metallica / Megadeth feud.

I have been known to be wrong on occasion. So, I ask you fine people: